The last two years, my motivation has plummeted. First lockdown began with me quite excited about being home etc., and I felt like I got lots of things done. But towards the end of the year with no end in sight, it was hard to stay motivated. 2021 started where 2020 had left off, with doom and gloom and daily updates on sickness and death. From my entire cosplay career, I think 2021 has been my most unproductive. I finished a single cosplay.
2021 had other things keeping me from cosplay, though. I had a wedding to plan and a wedding dress to sew, which was quite a big task. And planning a wedding when you have no clue if you’ll be able to even go through with it or have a party is very hard. As with cosplay, my motivation was tried a lot. It was a lovely event in the end, though, and I’m really happy with how my dress turned out. I’ll probably make a separate post about that later.
2021 was also the year that my mom’s illness took a turn for the worse and she passed away just a week and a half before the wedding. With all the stress around that month, it took me several weeks before I fully realized that she was gone, and then I really struggled to come to terms with it. I stopped streaming, too, even though I had gotten really into it, but everything to do with being creative reminded me of my mom and made me sad. She’s the reason I am creative, that I make costumes and she was the one who taught me how to sew. I think outwardly, people around me didn’t notice that I was feeling this way, but I felt like I was carrying around this sadness inside me and that if I would do anything, I’d pass it on to people around me, so for the longest time, I did nothing, except puzzles and playing with my cat.
2022 has started with the highest number of corona infections ever. But somehow I feel like this might be the year that will be better. I really hope so. I’ve started a few projects already, and I ordered a new sewing machine. I have 4 events planned for this year, and I am hoping so much I won’t have to cancel them. I guess time till tell, but for now, I will try to stay positive and motivated!